A Self Love To-Do List

Touch Yourself.

Talk to Yourself.

Remind Yourself to Take it Easy.

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Simple Self Love List

  • Touch Yourself - in affirming ways that bring pleasure.

  • Talk to Yourself - aloud, in the mirror, in a journal, a note in your phone, a story on your social media (though, in my experience keeping it private has benefited me mucho), get it out.

  • Remind Yourself to Take it Easy- because we’re hard on ourselves way too often.


Since my childhood I have journaled, but not in the most conventional sense - I have kept a record of goals and dreams, usually in list form. I also have a bunch of lists I write that serve as guidance toward feeling a sense of accomplishment. My biggest actions of self love have been planned out on lists.

And Now A Story…

When I decided to look through my written works from the past 20 years I noticed my fixation on lists. Most were personal goals I set for myself. When I was a kid, living at home with my family I would store phone numbers, poems, illicit letters from lovers and random photos under the bed. They would be stashed away like this, to avoid the disruption of a snooping parent. My mother had read every journal and writing I collected from 1st grade - she had also thrown them away. Her shame about my expression must of been something she learned as a child. And to her credit - she got called into school when I began writing love stories about adults, complete with lovemaking scenes, when I was in the first grade. So, even though I may be a little salty in my recollection - I do not hold it against her - talking about feelings and sex is not something everyone has been socialized to do.

One summer, I made a time capsule for myself in an old heart shaped box and fashioned a lock on it. I remember distinctly, some of the items I wanted and wishes I left for myself. I usually went away from home for the bulk of the time out of school, and that summer was no different. In reflection, these were the fodder of a kid just trying to assert her desires - harmless. So when I returned home - I discovered my private box of notes, wishes to myself and personal keepsakes were not only looked through they were missing all together. I was pissed but not surprised. That small act of disruption to my privacy - I learned later is not uncommon, taught me the value of privacy and that I needed to be more creative in defining that space. I wasn’t really an angsty teen so I wasn’t all “i hate you,” and slamming the door and shit around the house, but in turn it created a fury in me to keep track of what I wanted from life - and to be able to maintain opacity while still speaking to my desires. By the time I entered high school I began chronicling my aspirations. These task lists have now grown into personal assignments to a create a life of meaning for myself, now my goals are more about how to love myself and feel better in my skin. On my journey of unconditional self acceptance, I reference my archive - I have achieved pretty much all of them. Now creating actionable tasks for personal growth, ritual and emotional management come almost second nature - plus bullet points are easy to manage.